Your body confidence, and the relationship you have with your physique, is capable of being more turbulent than an on/off relationship with a guy who can’t commit. Equally as tedious. Just as frustrating. Now, I’ll just say it: My body is most definitely not perfect. But you know what? I’m happy with that. I’m very comfortable in my own skin (excuse the cliché). And this is perhaps the “taboo” thing to say – but I think I have a healthy degree of body confidence. Having said that, it’s certainly not been a smooth journey to gain this mindset. I’ve definitely been so insecure about my body in the past, to a point of eyes whelming with tears. So, today, I’ve decided to share this story of my personal body confidence with you all. I’ll include some of my best advice on how to find your body confidence. By doing this, hopefully I can help you reach this nice position that I’m at.
I remember it like it was yesterday… I was fourteen years old, and I was walking out of my Thursday P.E. class. My school friend walked up to me, eager to enlighten me that another girl in the class said, “Kathryn must be anorexic!” Up until that point, I’d never realised or thought of my lack-of-curves as ‘undesirable’. But that evening in the bathroom mirror, I examined my body and started to notice defects that I never saw before. And so, my love/hate relationship with my body began… As if that wasn’t enough, I vividly remember being told by three girls on my school bus, “No boy will ever want to kiss you; you’re that bloody skinny”. I don’t know whether any other girls faced as much scrutiny about their bodies as I did, at such a young age. But I think many of our body-issues originate in our teenage years. On that point, I know I’m not alone.
Fast-forward six years. At the age of 20, I’d climbed to the highest point of my body confidence. I was in my first year of studies at Queen’s, and I’d been a cheerleader on my university’s team for months. One very hot Spring day at practice, I nervously decided to just wear my Nike Pro leggings and a matching sports bra. Nothing else. I remember shyly turning my back to my team to take off my fleece before our warm-up. To my astonishment, when I turned back around my teammate Sapphire said, “Oh my god, look at your abs!” Several others complimented me on my physique afterwards, while I bashfully thanked them. All of a sudden, I’d stopped feeling that I had a twelve year old boy’s body. And finally, I reached a new sense of pride in my physical appearance. My fitness was high, my body was evidence of it, and I’d never felt more confident.
But after I turned 21, having decided to stop cheerleading to focus on my studies, my body confidence plummeted. For a start, my toned abs had quickly disappeared. Instead, they were replaced by widening-hips; cellulite; and a little muffin-top over my old ‘Size 8’ jeans. I was deeply disheartened and disappointed with myself. Almost immediately, I decided to join a gym. Two months later, I was able to burn the little bit of weight off. But to my horror, my wider hips remained. Ironically, this hourglass figure was exactly what I wished for when I was fourteen years old. But now that I had it, I hated it. I wanted nothing more than to regain my previous athletic-figure. But I couldn’t… Instead, I cried with frustration and vowed that I’d never wear my Nike Pro leggings again. Eventually, in an attempt for comfort and consolement, I decided to share my insecurities with my friend. To which she helplessly replied, “I wish I knew what to say… But I hate my body too. I’m so sorry, but I have the same problem.”
Last year was when I decided to throw all of my insecurities out of the window. They could get eaten by a bird or run-over by a car for all I cared. It was time for a major lifestyle change… I had just moved back into my family home after three years of living in Belfast. No more late-night parties; no more ‘cheeky Nando’s’; and no more sleeping in until noon. I promised myself that I would live out a more balanced, and healthier, day-to-day routine. All this included was:
- Getting out of bed before 10am
- Going to bed before midnight
- Eating a full breakfast and dinner
- Walking my dog as often as I could
- No more excessive snacking (the occasional biscuit will do.)
- 10,000 walking steps a day
And there you have it – nothing crazy or outrageous. Just a simple, yet healthy lifestyle. But guess what? I have never felt happier. Sure, my body still is nowhere near perfect; there are many bloggers on my Instagram feed who would put it to shame. But I love my body, and I’m content with not-so-perfect. As I type this, I can feel my bloated belly being squashed underneath my high-waisted trousers after a ginormous dinner. However, I’m still human. It’s important to remember that you are too. There will always be girls that have bigger boobs than you, perhaps a thigh-gap that your legs won’t allow, or collar bones that you crave. But that’s a condition of life; it’s better to accept it. You just have the one body, and that’s the one you should love. It’s yours, and it’s beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you differently – not even yourself.
Sure, ‘body confident’ isn’t always something that I’ve described myself as. But in the end (despite all my past insecurities), that’s what I’d call myself. I’m pretty damn proud of that.
